I asked my friend, Sola how his relationship was going and he said:
“It’s more than just the intimacy or the dates. With Sharon, I can be myself completely; she’s accepted my flaws as I have hers and she loves me regardless. When she smiles, my world is alright. We aren’t perfect; but our love is beautifully imperfect.”
Relationships can be amazing.
Especially if it’s with the right person .
Nonetheless, just like everything in life has good and bad sides, being in a wrong relationship can be devastating. “I feel like we are never on the same page. I wanna pray and he wants to smoke. It’s like I’m a sheep dating a pig” said Carolina.
The problem with most people seeking a relationship is that they are busy trying to find the right person not realizing that they have to be the “right person” themselves.
We all don’t want to do the hard work of checking ourselves out, analyzing our thoughts, processing our feelings ,understanding our emotions, knowing what makes us tick and what is a no-no for us.
We’d rather leave the hard job of getting to know ourselves to “the right person” and then we end up disappointed.
Here are the top three things anyone who wants to get into a relationship should know:
1.) Why Am I Getting Into This Relationship?
This is the first question you need to have an answer to. Are you getting into a relationship because of material things or physical appearances?
Do you want a relationship so you can have a stable sexual partner?
Is this relationship for payment of all your bills?
Is your desire to feel loved and appreciated the reason you want to get into a relationship?
Are all your friends in a relationship and you’re sick of being the only one hugging a pillow when it’s cold and rainy?
Are you getting into a relationship because your 20 year old cousin just got engaged and you realize time is running out?
Understand why exactly you want to get into a relationship.
Chinwe decides to date Segun because she’s desperate for marriage . Year in, year out, she keeps waiting for him to propose. As for Segun, he’s in the relationship for her big ass and her business skills which has helped his small business thrive for years; marriage is the last thing on his mind. Five years later, Chinwe is heartbroken and devastated. she’s wasted all these years and Segun isn’t still ready for marriage.
When you know what your reason(s), desires and expectations are for the relationship, be honest and clear with the other person to avoid disappointments and resentment later as a result of unmet needs and desires.
An ideal relationship should enrich and improve the lives of the parties involved in every way possible.
2. Love Yourself
The importance of self love before getting into a relationship can never be over-emphasized.
Accept your flaws.
Look into the mirror and kiss your reflection.
Be comfortable with your own self.
Learn to be happy alone.
You can show a person how to love you by how you love yourself.
Self love breeds self confidence which eliminates insecurity issues in relationships. Loving yourself will make you walk away from someone who isn’t treating you right because you love and respect yourself so much to allow any one treat you in a contemptible manner.
Stop getting people to love you when you don’t love yourself. Their love will never be enough to make you happy.
You can make up, dress good, smell nice, and even be with the right partner but won’t still be happy because you haven’t taught yourself how to love you.
READ ALSO: OPEN LETTER TO MY FELLOW SINGLE LADIES
3. Great Relationships Don’t Just Happen!
Bishop TD Jakes once said “I’m shocked at the number of people that want a husband but don’t understand that if you got a husband you have to take care of him”
Great relationships require work!!!! Hard-Work.
If you don’t want to have a great relationship, If you just want to pass time with the other person, Then do these:
Think of yourself alone.
Don’t sacrifice anything….money, time… nothing!
Be always right.
Don’t manage your emotions. Drop it as it’s hot, scream when you feel like, be moody when you feel like too.
For a great relationship, Compromises would be made. Sometimes you have to put the other person first and do what’s best for them. You have to be a friend, a confidant, a great support system and at the same time a lover.
Be sure the person is worth the stress and the rule of reciprocity is not forgotten.
READ ALSO: 5 CONSTITUTIONS FOR A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP
Thank you and I love you for reading ✌ ☺