I must say you are doing a great job with my heart. I am the only lady who fell in love, but should I say with the wrong man or with a man I am wrong for? I am a lady who loves being in love because it brings me joy and peace, and a kind of feeling I can’t really describe right now, and so no matter how much I have been hurt, I keep falling in love anyways. I must confess it’s not your fault; you were only doing the bidding of your heart.
I know I did a lot of things wrong and that’s probably why you don’t feel the same way I do, no matter how much I try. People keep telling me I shouldn’t have let you into my pants, I should have played hard to get, but tell me, how do I play how to get for a man I really love? Acting has always been my thing but I couldn’t have pulled this off. I know I have no excuse to have played cheap but how could I have been able to help it when my heart was restless?
Dear Love, people tell me you’re scared, unlovable, and broken beyond repair. I am neither close to being a mender of hearts nor a repairer, but I wish you could have given me the opportunity to try. I wish I was the one who showed you the way to love again. I wish I would be the one to calm your scared heart, become a mother who is far away, and a father that doesn’t care. I wish I could fill the void and make you less angry with the world. But I failed because I gave up. How is it that I failed woefully?
So I was told you had an ex and when I checked she was still by your side. Her name was the first and last on your call and chat list while I was fighting for just a “Hello” from you. I heard she goes with you to all your outings; I was hurt finding that out. It was better with you just being afraid to love, but how do I deal with an ex you seem to still be strung on. So I had to give up.
My Love, you don’t know the language of my heart, I doubt you do. All those nights you complained about how my heart beats fast, how it isn’t normal for a heart to beat that fast and how you advised me to see a doctor. Don’t you know it was your handwork? You were the terrorist terrorizing my heart because of how much it longed and yearned for you without relief. I guess my rebellious heart got what it deserved at last but it’s enough, so I will walk.
All those night you held me close while I pretended to sleep, nights you made me feel like a woman and feel like there was hope for us. Were those just for show? Were you only trying to make me open my legs even wider? Even if it was like that, I still enjoyed it while it lasted, though dawn always came like an uninvited guest to wash them all away. I will try not to remember those nights while wrapped in the arms of another. So my Love, Yes I am leaving your much protected space.
To the love I longed for but never got, to the man I wanted but couldn’t really have, to the one who has taught me that I might not get all I ever wanted, I am writing this to you to let you know how much you really did mean to me. I’m not going to cry anymore or long for you again. I will just leave but then fall in love with caution next time. No more throwing caution to the wind. Be you, while I remain me.
But I hope you find love someday.