For the past few decades, the world has been convinced that women love bad boys. From TV shows to movies, books to popular media, the bad boy image has been cultivated to appear as if it’s the one sure way to win a woman’s heart.
Bad boys are manufactured. Few men are born with the traits and attitudes that define the bad boy persona. These attitudes toward women, and life in general, develop over time. But just as a man can make the conscious decision to live a lifestyle against the grain, so too can he decide to change his ways.
Before we map out the ways to evolve back into a decent guy, let’s first discuss the bad boy persona.
What Exactly Is a Bad Boy?
In its simplest definition, a bad boy is a man who does not conform to the approved standards of behavior in a particular sphere of activity. There are “bad boys” in every walk of life — the bad boy musician who doesn’t conform to the rules of his genre of music, the bad boy athlete who conducts himself by different standards on and off the field and even the bad boy in your office who somehow operates above the law and still manages to keep his job; also the bad boy in your school whose way of life is nothing to write home about.
In this case, we’re discussing the bad boy with women. The bad boy is the guy who does what he wants in a relationship, or with dating in general, without taking into consideration the feelings, thoughts and wishes of the opposite sex. He does what he wants, when he wants, worrying about no one but himself in every situation.
Even if you wouldn’t classify yourself as a bad boy, you know all of the signs that make it obvious — the failed relationships, the random sexual encounters that lead to nothing but hurt feelings and the fact that you’re mostly alone when it comes to love (no matter how many sexual partners you’re juggling at the moment). Being a bad boy gets old fast. It’s time for a change of script. You should come to the realisation that you are not getting any younger and consider the fact that you would later wanna have a home of yours with beautiful kids who would wanna look up to their daddy with respect to different areas of life.
How Does a Guy Stop Being Bad?
So what now? What does a man do if he’s spent the last few (possibly more) years living his life in a certain way? Just as it probably wasn’t easy adopting these “bad boy” rules after which you’ve patterned your life, it won’t be easy to start all over as a kinder, gentler version of your old self.
Here are some simple suggestions to stop being the typical bad boy:
Stop Being Cocky
Just because you drop the bad boy attitude doesn’t mean you have to show less self-confidence. In fact, confidence is incredibly attractive to the opposite sex. You’ve just got to turn down the part of confidence that makes it appear as if you think you’re superior to the rest of the world. The truly confident are able to put others in the spotlight.
Stop Putting Yourself First
If the rules of being a bad boy were written like the 10 Commandments, one of the first few rules would state something to the effect of “even when it’s not about you, it’s always about you.” The bad boy always puts his feelings first, no matter who he hurts and generally, this is a bad feature for any human to have.
To reverse this course of thinking, put yourself in the shoes of someone you’ve hurt in the past. If you’re unable to put yourself in that position, why not reach out to a person you’ve hurt in the past and ask them how your actions made them feel? This involves contacting ex-girlfriends and past sexual partners. If that idea makes you cringe, that’s a clear sign that you may have treated people pretty poorly in the past.
While it’s fine to consider your wants and needs in certain situations, the only way to reverse the bad boy image is to start taking the feelings of others into consideration, respect the feelings of other people. Stop for a moment and ask yourself, “How will that make her feel?” and try to rethink your course of action.
Stop Being a Loner
Being a loner is a defining characteristic of the bad boy. The “lone wolf” is part choice and part circumstance. A bad boy chooses to be alone because it’s just easier, but circumstances and behavior cause him to alienate himself from the opposite sex and even his own gender.
Putting an end to the loner status is simple — be more open to relationships based on friendship and not purely sex. Correcting many of the behaviors above will immediately attract more people and you may find that turning your gaze outward to the lives and problems of others rather than just your own can be incredibly liberating.
Instead of making yourself scarce, and disappearing every time a woman mentions plans to do something other than slip between the sheets, be more active in the dating scene. Go out with women just as friends. Prove to the opposite sex, and more importantly to yourself, it’s not always just about being the bad boy.
Screen out your friends
Just as this implies, screen out friends who influence and fuel the bad boy in you. keep friends who seek to add value to you and have positive impacts in your life. Remember that in way or another, your kind of friends define who you are. Don’t be all about the bad boy clique who sit over drinks and discuss about your various sexcapades with women. You are not getting any younger!
Bye Bye Bad Boy
It is possible to turn off the bad boy attitude as easily as you turned it on. It will take some time and some changes in your life. In the end, you’ll find life is a little more rewarding when you let people in, show them the respect they deserve and open yourself up to more opportunities both socially and romantically. There’s a reason it’s called the “bad boy” persona — because bad boys haven’t yet grown into men. The initial reason for adopting the bad boy demeanor was to attract the opposite sex. It’s the reason guys do almost everything. The bad boy act immediately drew women in, especially those interested in just sex, but that’s all it ever becomes — just sex! Real men are not all about this. Change your ways bro, be a man, dress like a real man, talk like a man, handle issues like a man.