FRIENDS WITH BENEFIT: THE TRUTH & THE 7 RULES

By Odusola Aanuoluwapo

The great thirst for sex without strings attached will continue to put the trend of friends with benefit in existence. People go into it as a result of sexual urges they want to act upon without being in the real deal (the boyfriend/girlfriend kind). The deal is one that allows both parties to have other sexual partners without anyone getting jealous or feeling cheated but that’s the greatest lie anyone can tell themselves in a friends with benefits relationship. That’s the purpose of this piece – to tell you the truth and the rules.

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1. State your terms and conditions (define the relationship).

When going into a business partnership, the terms and conditions are clearly spelt out in a way both partners understand clearly and grievances are settled. In the case of FWB, the terms and conditions should be spelt out and should only be agreed to if both partners can deal with what it entails. That’s the first challenge most FWB relationships face – no terms and conditions.

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A lot of people are in FWB relationships and they just don’t realise it yet. Some people don’t even know they’re in a FWB relationship because they’ve mistaken likeness for love or because the partner is fond of them, it means “something”.

“Always be sure that person is obviously single not by assuming but by observation and asking questions because you don’t want the main chick or the main guy coming to take back their “possession” after you already thought you own them.”

One should clearly define all forms all relationships they want to go into before they go into it, no one wants to waste their time, energy, resources and emotions with anyone who was never on the same page with them.

 

2. Don’t be emotional, don’t catch feelings

We always tell ourselves that it’s just going to be sex, nothing more but then you see yourself getting jealous when he or she receives a call that seems romantic or when he or she has to spend time with other people asides you. If you’re an emotional person, you shouldn’t be in this kind of relationship. It’s for people who have “gangster” emotions; Individuals who can overlook things and never speak about them. Whether you admit it or not, sex is a big deal and can bring about unplanned emotional feelings.

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3. Don’t always say how you feel (you don’t need to have “the talk”).

FWB partners should know that FWB is just what it is: friends with benefits. No future, no talking too much, it’s just business. It’s not a relationship where you and your partner can have “the talk” every now and then because it’s not that deep.

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4. You don’t need to know what they’re doing when you’re not with them.

You should also be un-bothered about the people they spend time with when you’re not with them, they’re not obliged to tell you about the “other things” they’re doing. You should try not to complain about things you can’t deal because that’s probably why they have you even though they have other partners, it might make them want to end it if the difference between you and their partners isn’t much.

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5. Your FWB partner shouldn’t be your only partner.

Going into a FWB relationship as a single person isn’t what I would advise someone to do especially when the partner you’re going into it with isn’t single, you’re going to be doing yourself a lot of harm. Not having other (or another) sexual partner(s) in a FWB relationship means you would be putting your all into the relationship and you shouldn’t be doing that in a relationship that clearly has no future.

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6. Don’t think it would ever get serious, if it was meant to be, it should have been.

Another mistake people in FWB relationships make is thinking that the relationship would ever get “serious”. Honey, if it didn’t start on a serious note, it would most likely never get to a serious level. The fact that he or she had a serious partner and the relationship ended doesn’t mean you would be their next option for something serious. It doesn’t work that way, if it was meant to be a serious relationship, it would have been. The probability that your FWB relationship would ever get serious is like half over one thousand. Before his or her “main” relationship ended, they probably already have someone they’re considering to be “serious relationship material” so instead of getting your hopes up, get yourself something serious too.

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2 comments

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