Things Every Guy In A Brand-New Relationship Should Know

By Akinyemi Timmy

Ah, the early stages of a relationship. Months of sex with someone brand new (amazing!) and a simultaneous minefield of miscommunication (that’ll be that ‘brand new’ thing). The thing is, you’re smitten. You catch yourself daydreaming – actually daydreaming, FFS – of being in bed together and what your kids are going to look like and how you’ll win over her parents. You may not know who you even ARE anymore – but you do know one thing for sure: you really want to make this work. So here are six important things to keep in mind.
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1. Don’t Avoid Discussing Your Past

Sometimes new relationships feel so blissful simply because you haven’t broached any of the unsexy, practical things that will eventually warrant discussing. But nobody wants to be the new girlfriend when your mates bring up that time you all went to fun spots with your ex, when you haven’t yet discussed said ex in private between just the two of you. And you definitely don’t want to wait to find out she’s got a health issue that’s going to directly affect your time together. Whatever the past, sometimes the benefits of being open about it are more fruitful than you could ever imagine.
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2. Be The Kind Of Person You’d Want To Date

It’s easy to get swept up in the drama of a new relationship. Have I texted too much today? What did she mean by ‘talk later’? But sometimes that insane ‘new love’ chemistry you’re feeling (the endorphin high made up of the same chemicals as sex and touch, according to the study Love: A Biological, Psychological and Philosophical Study) can make you think you feel things more intensely than you do. If you start reacting to little things early on in the same way that you would when you’re deeply in love (for instance, overthinking a lack of response from her, or texting her when she hasn’t answered for 24 hours with “Are we OK?”) you may want to take a step back and rethink things. For example, if she texted you after you had a busy day at the office with the same question, would you think she was overreacting? Be the change you wish to see and all that…

3. Don’t Put Too Much Emphasis On Her

Sure, this seems obvious – but it is hard to stick to. During the early stages of a relationship, when you can’t tear yourself away from each other and everything seems brighter when she’s around, and other people – even your best mates – all of a sudden seem lacklustre in comparison, remember to keep your old life intact. “Don’t put too much emphasis on your new relationship,” says Giant_Nostril on Reddit. “Keep close friends close, be yourself and do your same old comfortable things, too.” As hard as it is to break away, you still need to carry on with your life and spend most of your time apart with other people. Otherwise you risk dulling that new relationship sheen through overexposure. 

4. You Don’t Need To Know EVERYTHING About Her

There are some minor things you’d be happier not knowing,” writes LongpigEnthusiast. It’s easy to think that true love is knowing everything about your partner – but this can quickly turn into a need for control. “If you’re tempted to check your partner’s inbox or online history, stop… Ask, ‘Wait a minute, am I doing this because I think my partner is up to no good?’ If so, have it out with him or her – you don’t need evidence, you need a conversation,” says Irma Kurtz, Cosmopolitan magazine’s Agony Aunt.

5. Don’t Rush It

If you’re really into someone it’s hard to take it day by day when you’re simultaneously envisioning what your kids are going to look like. But taking it slow and letting the relationship develop at its own pace is still the best recipe for success. “Do not rush anything. Things will happen when they happen, and there’s no need to try and stress over everything,” says LicensedProfessional. The minute you start pressuring her into moving faster than feels natural or asking for more of her time than she’s willing to give, it’s only going to push her away.
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6. Remember The Details

But just in case it really is becoming a long-term relationship… “If something seems consequential, I like to write it down,” says jake55555. “While this leads to me having a notebook that looks like it belongs to an asylum patient, it helps to go over those things. Especially at birthdays, anniversaries, etc…” Major brownie points will surely ensue, so start collecting this stuff early on.

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2 comments

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    A loyal reader.

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